Social Gaffe Cafe

Sometimes I wonder why I'm even allowed out in public. But, really.

I was eating a late lunch at Panera. After I had finished my meal, I slung my backpack over my shoulder and I had my purse in one hand and the discarded lunch tray in the other. I walked to the trash can, promptly dumped all the contents of my plate into the trash and set the plastic plate in the bin for used dishes. As soon as I set my plate down I realized that I had just thrown out a metal spoon and knife. And NOT in the washing bin where they were supposed to go, where there was already a nice little pile of silverware.

Luckily, I am quite skilled in the art of social gaffes. I quickly glanced into the trash can, saw it was only half full, spied my spoon and knife, and did one small peek to see if anyone would notice. Acting as if everything was normal (I mean, who doesn't reach inside public trash cans?) I grabbed my two utensils and placed them safely in the washing tub. With one quick sweep of the room I convinced myself that no one had seen or truly cared about what I had just done, since there were no collective shocked faces or rude stares and angrily pointed fingers. Pulling my backpack higher on my shoulder, I trudged out the door and into the rain.

Snapshot: hilarious conversations

So here's three conversations that made me smile. (also, I've decided to stop apologizing whenever I haven't posted in a while....kinda makes me feel guilty and then I REALLY don't want to write a blog post. So I'm skipping it!)

I recently chopped off 12 inches of hair and donated it to Locks of Love. I work with kids and sometimes they say funny things. The day after I've cut pretty much all of my hair off, I'm playing with a child when out of the blue she said to me, "Who are you?" I guess she didn't recognize me....it was so random.

And then the other day, I was at a concert, standing in line to buy a t-shirt and there were these two guys behind me, being macho and tough. I wasn't really paying attention to their conversation until one guy exclaimed, "There's an app for YOUR FACE!" and the other guy (without missing a beat) said, "Isn't that the camera app?" Gotta love eavesdropping.

And the last conversation happened just a couple of minutes ago. I was talking to my sister and said, "Yeah, I'm definitely not a romantic person." to which my sister said, "Duh." with no hesitation whatsoever. Smmmooooottth.

Good friends, good conversations...

I was talking to my friend that I've known since high school late-ish last night and our conversations were off-the-wall funny. I'm not sure if we were just so excited to talk to each other (we live in different states and hadn't had a chance to speak for several months) or if the late hour was warping our thoughts or what...but we were giggling up a storm. I also managed to type down some of our funniest bits because they made me laugh so hard. I realize that these might not make complete sense to an unknown reader, but I'd still like to save them on my blog for posterity's sake.

Her: "It's like chick-fil-a skype?"
context: I was explaining how the drive-thru worked.

Me: "Why did you yell? Is my face really That hideous that you had to scream?"
Her: "It just scared me because I wasn't expecting your face to completely fill up my computer screen!"
context: she pushed a random button and my face took over her computer, consequently making her yelp.

Her: "What if we had a skype moss pit?"

Me: "This is my petrified wood look! *poses spastically with one arm raised and eyes frozen*
My response (once I saw how I looked): "I look socially inept!"
Her: "Is that going to be your perpetual face when you're old?"
Me: "I HOPE NOT!"

Me: "I look like I have two front teeth!"
Her: "You do have two front teeth."
context: I had meant to say, "I look like I ONLY have two front teeth"

Obviously we are a little crazy, but it's okay because we understand each other fairly well and we're planning on taking over the world some day.

Children will always make me smile.

Something I overheard at the Museum today...

After they had been in the exhibit rooms for 10 minutes:

Kid: "Mommy, I want to go now."

Mom: "Sorry hon, but we're going to be here for hours."

Kid: "How long is that?"

Mom: "A really long time."

Kid, pauses to think and takes a deep breathe: "Mommy, are we going to die here?"

I should mention that we were looking at egyptian mummies, so the kid's reasoning wasn't completely unfounded because there WERE dead bodies hanging out.

~Currently obsessed with:
Welcome to the Masquerade by Thousand Foot Krutch

Sarcasm much?

My father uses sarcasm on a regular basis. It's just built into his personality or something. I'm pretty sure that he's more sarcastic then I ever was as a teenager.

Me (seeing Papi grilling): "What'cha doing?"

Papi: "What does it look like I'm doing? Greeting aliens on another planet?"

See....I was just asking a simple question. Of course I knew what Papi was doing: this was a conversation opener, a chance for Papi to tell me about his life and not be a weirdo. But did he?
No.

Confessions of a nursery worker...

Some of the things I think/say while working with small children. Italics are obviously in my head.

"Hey, it's okay, your mommy is just in church...she's going to be back in a bit, don't you want to play with the trains?"

"Oh man, why do you have colored snot? That's gross. Now I have to get you a tissue. Oooorrrr you can just wipe your face on my shirt. That eliminates the whole mucus problem because it isn't in on your face anymore. Well, I guess this shirt is going into the laundry when I get home. Thanks, anytime you don't have the time to wait for a tissue, just use my shirt/arm/leg/shoe, really, I don't mind one bit."


"Don't hit her. Go over and say you're sorry. We don't hit people because that's not nice. Do you want to go to time-out?"

"Drat, now he's smiling. It is so hard to discipline a child who's doing something bad when he just looks so cute. Argh, I can't smile because then he will know I'm not serious and he won't listen and he'll think he can get away with that kind of behavior...don't smile...don't smile..."


"Yeah, you...uh huh, I'm talking to you bud. You don't have to look shocked, I saw you shove him. You think your innocent little face will prove you not guilty? Nope, it won't."

Yeah, I love kids...but some times they frustrate me/make me laugh. It's funny how you can be mad at them one minute for completely disobeying everything you've told them and then they are hugging you and saying, "sorwy" and you can't help but think of them as angelic. Funny that.